Swipe or No Swiping? Ovid on the Art of Loving (and Swiping)
Newfound Hope for Dating Apps??
New Yorkers didn’t only elect a new mayor this fall, they also got hope for the swipe. Mayoral elect Zohran Mamdani will be the city’s youngest mayor since 1892, and among the “firsts” he brings to this office, he’ll be the first NYC mayor to have met his wife on a dating app.
Swipers and non-swipers alike have recently acknowledged that this may offer people new hope in online dating. This is a misleading, hollow hope. The growing dependence on dating apps narrows romantic possibilities and deprives us of a genuine pursuit of love.
While discussing various culture shifts from offline to online, we inevitably reach a black hole of the modern era: the social media algorithm. Without getting into specific details, platforms use algorithms to feed users data they find engaging, thereby continuing to ingest similar types of data repeatedly. It limits perspective outside the algorithm; it heavily impacts and restricts an individual’s personal opinion. It fuels polarization and bias.
Dating apps push users to see profiles of people they are most likely to continue a conversation with. Hinge, for example, uses an algorithm based on a variation of the Nobel-prize-winning Gale-Shapley algorithm, which uses deferred acceptance to match participants and their preferences. Hinge attempts to link users with their “Most Compatible.” As a user swipes, they can edit criteria, even adjusting “dealbreakers.” Hinge says the algorithm will not show users profiles that do not match a particular dealbreaker preference, like height, distance, or age. Sure, we’ve all yapped about this at least once with friends, but limiting ourselves from the start can feel pointless.
What I love so much about love – be it in friendship, family, or romance – is that there is so much potential for even the smallest experiences to leave a positive mark on your life. Part of it, I suppose, is not exactly knowing what you like and experiencing it with another person. The “dealbreaker” feature on Hinge doesn’t help me here.
Just as many people may agree on the adverse effects of algorithms within media, especially politics, the same reasoning supports my suspicions about the world of online dating. When the entire world was on lockdown, it made sense to find a virtual way to meet new people. Personally, I am indeed happy whenever I hear people’s experiences in love, no matter where it may have started. I only find an issue with the increasing normalcy of the apps, even though we are in an active recovery post-pandemic.
Ovid on the Art of Love
Being overwhelmed in the dating scene is surely not a new phenomenon. And, who do I turn to for help with finding love? Ovid.
Ovid was a Roman poet (b. 43 BCE) who lived during the reign of the Emperor Augustus. He wrote three works on love: Amores, Remedia Amoris (The Cures for Love), and Ars Amatoria (The Art of Love).
Should we be taking love advice from Ovid? No, not really. A little? Maybe, just a little. I currently have a negative success rate, but I don’t know whether Ovid is to blame. Anyway.
In the Ars Amatoria, the self-proclaimed “love teacher” (“sum praeceptor Amoris”, I.17) provides readers with three books on romance from a heteronormative perspective: on how men can find and win a woman, how to keep this woman, and how women can win and keep a man. Love can transcend many norms, especially social ones, so we will approach Ovid’s work with modern terms (I am not reading alongside his gendered differentiation or even some instances of disturbing, overt sexualization).
In the first book, he says people need to search: there is an active pursuit in finding a lover. Maybe I’ll meet them at the theatre, or out on a walk, or at the circus, well, there are also the triumphs, but you always have the dinner table, and finally the beach. I know, not all of these are completely realistic options for pursuing romance.
My point for bringing in Ovid: bring back the pursuit. Putting effort into swiping and allowing apps to develop will continue to harm the art of love; what type of love people are even interested in is a whole other issue.
However, the pursuit that the world needs may seem quite impossible given the lack of third spaces, that is, places where people can gather and meet outside of work and home. These sorts of third spaces are optimal opportunities for pursuing all kinds of love. We just don’t have too many of those right now, which adds to the overwhelming feelings many experience in online dating.
And so, I hope that, whatever optimism people feel from Mamdani’s use of dating apps, they can push him to revitalize one of the best cities in the world and instill confidence in people to do less swiping. Or not, it’s your life.
“I’ve done it, but there’s diversity in women’s hearts: a thousand minds require a thousand methods. (Finiturus eram, sed sunt diversa puellis / Pectora: mille animos excipe mille modis.) ”
Things I read and Liked:
Coz, “Hinge Dating App Algorithm: How Compatible Partners Are Chosen.” The Independent, independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/hinge-dating-app-algorithm-compatible-partner-love-couple-relationship-valentines-day-a8771076.html.
Hunt, Elle. “Zohran Mamdani and Rama Duwaji Are Making Finding Love on Hinge Seem Possible Again.” Vogue, 7 Nov. 2025, vogue.com/article/zohran-mamdani-and-rama-duwaji-hinge-heterooptimism.
Mussen, Maddy. “This Is How the Nobel Prize Winning Hinge Algorithm Actually Works.” The Tab, 20 May 2020, archive.thetab.com/uk/2020/05/20/this-is-how-the-nobel-prize-winning-hinge-algorithm-actually-works-157740
Ovid, Ars Amatoria and Other Love Poems translated by A. S. Kline. https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/Latin/Lovepoemshome.php
Rao, Devika. “The Unfortunate, Ongoing Disappearance of ‘Third Places.’” The Week, 26 Mar. 2024, theweek.com/culture-life/third-places-disappearing.
